Ethan and I have now been married for 2 years, 2 months, and about 2 weeks! Over the course of our married life we have been on several adventures. Including buying a new vehicle, traveling across the nation to California, Colorado, New York and MOVING to Texas. All of these adventures have been exciting and have created many memories to pass down to our children. One of the more serious adventures Ethan and I continue to embark on, is trying to start our own family. And in some respects we have already. Ethan, Farley, and I have a blast going to the lake and fishing or sitting on the couch watching movies all day. But we have a serious longing for a baby in our arms. Back in November/ December of 2009 we felt the time was right for us to "try" and begin our family. And that's just what we did, try and try and try and try some more. Practice makes perfect right? After months and months of negative pregnancy tests we started to get discouraged. Ethan being the optimist that he is said, "The Lord has a plan for our family we just don't know it yet". I hung on to those words. It was now the first week in January of 2011 and we had our first Doctors appointment to ask some questions and discuss the possible reasons why it was taking so long to conceive. Our Doctor seemed very positive as we discussed medications like clomid to help ovulation or an HSG study to view the anatomy. Ethan and I left with our heads high and hopes up. About 2 weeks later I took a home pregnancy test. POSITIVE !!! We couldn't believe it so I took like 5 more. And everyone of them POSITIVE!!! We called the doctor and made our first pregnancy appointment. They did a ultra sound, it was still to early to hear the heart beat. Being that I was only 5-6 weeks along the Doctor suggested another appointment in 2 weeks to hear the hear beat and get an estimated date of arrival. We left the Doctors office on cloud 9. I then headed to work with a sense of euphoria and some light cramps. Knowing that minimal spotting and light cramping was normal I kept on working. As the evening passed it was harder and harder to focus on my patients. I was hurting and the spotting turned into much more. I slept in the next morning with a gut feeling I was going to have a very long day. Neither my husband nor I knew what was going on. So I called the Doctors office and they arranged to get me in... Devastation; I had miscarried. The Doctor gave some words of encouragement, "sometimes things don't go quite right and so God steps in and helps out" and, "now we know you can get pregnant." I clung to the words my husband had told me before about our Heavenly Father having and plan and the fact that I now knew I could get pregnant.
Several months passed and there was no sign of me getting pregnant again, so we made another infertility appointment. This time the doctor drew some labs and said, "call me when you start your next cycle and we'll get you started on clomid." I was glad to have a plan! So we waited around for my next cycle to come so we could put the plan in action. It felt like we were waiting forever! With that feeling in mind, I took a pregnancy test... POSITIVE!!! No way we thought. Both times we had gone to see the Doctor we found out we were pregnant like a week later. Ethan and I agreed that this time we were going to wait several weeks before even calling the doctor so that we could hear the heart beat at the first appointment. As the days passed it began to get harder and harder for us to keep the secret. So we changed our mind; we wanted to get in and see the doctor to make sure everything goes "right" this time. It was late Friday when we made this decision, so Monday morning I would call. But it was too late. I had started to miscarry that Sunday. Devastation once again. Over the next couple of days I cried on my wonderful husbands shoulder. After a few days passed I regrouped and called the doctor. I had this over whelming feeling that the reason I kept miscarrying was due to a hormone problem. So I called the doctor's office and spoke with my doctor's nurse. I told her I had had a few positive pregnancy tests and about a week later started cramping and bleeding. She asked pertinent questions and said we would need to draw an HCG level to make sure the levels were returning to zero. I agreed and then stated that this being my second miscarriage, and it was my understanding that most miscarries before 8 weeks are due to a hormone problem, that I would like to have some hormone testing done. And that I was no longer convinced I was having problems ovulating (the reason they thought I needed to be placed on clomid). The nurse agreed to speak with my doctor and get back with me. I was nervous for the phone to ring. When it finally did, my doctor's nurse reported that the doctor agreed to do some hormone testing the next time I became pregnant. And if I wasn't by my next cycle he would prescribe clomid to cover all areas of concern. I clarified that I was supposed to wait for another positive pregnancy test to get the hormone testing done, and then became excited that we were on our way to finding out why my body kept spontaneously rejecting pregnancy.
The next few weeks were long and hard. I was excited to have what seemed to be a good solid plan but nervous of potentially miscarrying again. No girl should ever have to feel what its like to lose a pregnancy, let alone 3. Fortunately I was able to block this daunting thought from my brain most of the time. It was now the first week in August. My cycle should have started any day that week... But it didn't, so it was time to test again. POSITIVE! I told my husband and he said to me, "go down and buy that cream Moriah told you about." Several weeks earlier I was discussing with said friend about our difficulties staying pregnant and she had told me a real good friend of hers was having similar problems as me and used progesterone cream to help sustain the pregnancy. After research Ethan and I agreed with the next pregnancy I would definitely try it. So the day I got a positive I ran down to the local vitamin shoppe and purchased some cream. I also called the doctors office bright and earlier that morning. They ordered 2 HCG levels 48 hours apart and a serum Progesterone test. A few long days passed as I waited for the results of the labs. Friday afternoon came and my doctor's nurse called to report the results. My HCG level had not doubled in the 48 hours it's supposed to. In fact it had only gone from 50 to 61. And my progesterone level was low. "But could be low from being so early in the pregnancy but still did not look reassuring," as the nurse put it. I tried to ask appropriate questions, like is there any way to get started on progesterone injections to help boost the level. And the nurse responded, "well the doctor doesn't really like to do that." I then asked so what exactly was the point of these labs? She said, "you wanted them drawn." I said to her no I'm not the doctor I merely stated I no longer was convinced I had problems ovulating and that maybe it was a hormone issue. She told me its wasn't in her scope to be able to answer those questions. Not quite knowing what to say, I simply asked so what's the plan? Which was to have my HCG level drawn again on Monday to confirm an impeding miscarriage. As I sat on the couch for the rest of the weekend all I could think about was, how rude that nurse was to me on the phone, why would I want to know ahead of time that I was going to miscarry again, and that my doctor and his nurse were SO FIRED. Monday came and I had my labs drawn. Being that I had them drawn in the hospital I was able to look the results up myself. So I didn't have to wait until just before the doctors office closed to get them, like I did the Friday before. About noon I checked the result, 51. My level had dropped thus confirming another miscarriage was about to occur. I was then pissed at the nurse and unable to contain my tears. My husband and I left work early to think and cry together. I did most of the crying, he did most of the thinking, talking, and reassuring. We found a new doctor and made an appointment.
A nurse practitioner had come highly recommended. So I got in to see her. I discussed with her the frustrations of trying and trying and trying to get pregnant, miscarrying 3 times in 8 months and the rudeness of the nurse working for my doctor. She apologized sincerely and helped create a new plan. We made an appointment to see a new doctor, because I am now out of her scope of practice having multiple miscarriages. The new doctor would explain the testing they do, the results, good and bad, the options and everything in between. She didn't charge me for my appointment that day, gave me a big hug and her personal cell phone number to call if I had any more questions. I can't explain to you how much better this nurse practitioner made me feel. I was nearly satisfied with the new plan. I only wished they would do the testing before the next appointment. About a week later the nurse for my new doctor called and explained that the Infertility Specialist of Austin was just in town and my new doctor had discussed with him my case. The Specialist recommended having the testing done before the appointment and that they went ahead and ordered the labs. All I had to do was pick up the order sheet and have them drawn! This news made me so happy I could cry.
Our appointment to receive the results and talk about the options is just after Ethan and I get back from our mini vaca visiting Arizona. Hopefully they will find some thing easily fixable. Pray for us.
